Back to Jungle Earth!!!Back to Jungle Earth!!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Today’s mental workout for all-imagination week takes us back to one of our favorite places, Jungle Earth, the human concrete jungle that is Los Angeles. In this jungle the only endangered species are humans with substance, on the flip side no need to worry about the cougars, these ones are vicious, they hunt in packs and are thriving better than ever. The capitals of this jungle are the hills of Beverly and Hollywood. We’ll start with the former. In Beverly Hills, since the plastic surgeons have run out of patients, they are now doing cosmetic work on pets, nose jobs for poodles are the most popular. Be careful in the jungle of Beverly Hills, you can get cited for being ugly and not attached to an appropriate leash. The only accepted identification is your country club VIP card. Newborn babies wear designer diapers and have publicists unless they won’t gain entrance into the right schools. The mothers always look so good since they paid somebody else to carry the burden of child birth, can’t afford to sacrifice one's shape for the only miracle of life. A woman caught wearing the same outfit twice is thrown to the wolves. Wearing an unrecognizable name brand gets you banished deep into the rainforest of mediocrity. Leaving your house without make-up is stepping into the lion’s den. What will the neighbors think indeed? The kids do drugs early in grade school to get it out of the way before college. Other parts of the Los Angeles concrete jungle, murdered bodies lay in the streets for days, in Beverly Hills, 10 police cars respond when a resident falls off the sidewalk, then the sidewalk gets the citation. Littering the beautiful landscape is a death penalty offense. In this jungle, the definition of real depends on the day of the week.

Next we head deep into the heart of the concrete jungle, none other than Hollywood Hills where all that glitters isn’t always gold, just stars. In Hollywood, stars are not born, they are made overnight at cocktail parties making a deal with the devil. No worries, the devil knows what he’s doing, the union covers him, gets full health care and benefits too. In this Hollywood jungle, it’s kill or be killed. Don’t worry about any snakes in the grass like your enemies stabbing you in the back, friends of yours will do the job for them. First law in this jungle is to strike first. At the top of this jungle food chain are the fat cat studio executives. They control the minds of the people by releasing garbage in movies and tv shows. Their power goes unchecked surrounded by yes men and leeches stroking their enormous egos. Even the egos themselves have their own chauffeurs and personal trainers. Money is the only thing that matters. They would sell their own grandmas for a buck except it was done last year for tax purposes. The meaning of risk is associating with a common person longer than 'park my car.' Originality in cinema is characterized by doing a remake only once. The definition of culture is knowing what the celebrities eat for breakfast. The whole Hollywood scene is legalized prostitution without the happy ending. In fact in this concrete jungle, relationship eligibility only comes after marriage, only then is one considered desirable. The poor movie stars, revered lions on the stage find it hard to discern when the show is over and real life begins. They fall victim to the paparazzi with the deadly scent of hyenas sniffing out scandal even before it happens. Do your homework before entering this jungle or else you may end up like a deer stuck in headlights. Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas at first, it’s too much work for them, they will rather wait till you bring it to life then circle like vultures around your soon to be carcass. Proceed with caution, you’ve been warned, the real jungle has got nothing on this one, there's also some jungle fever in the air, apparently it's not going away anytime soon. Well good night and good luck, it's time for my stylist appointment.


Greetings from Sydney, I

Greetings from Sydney, I think we will catch up with you lot sooner rather than later. Thanks for the laughs.