Stone Age!!!Stone Age!!!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Today’s mental workout for all-imagination week comes with a political twist, how can we resist. It takes us back to the golden era of mankind, the Stone Age. We shall recount the untold stories of a few prominent people you may have heard of. If the story resembles anything close to the truth of actual events, then put down whatever it is you are drinking. As we all know in this life, even the greatest of family dynasties at some point started up from very humble beginnings. Yes, even the modern day Gods, I mean highly influential human beings of today started from nothing, sometimes an unimaginable concept for folks to grasp. Like most interesting stories over the years, we begin in media res, the setting is some 8000 years ago towards the latter stages of a very long stone age spanning millions of years.

Firstly, we drop in on the Santorum family clan, nine in total, enough for a modern day village. The family is headed powerfully by caveman Rick. He is in the middle of teaching his kids for the day. What he’s teaching them exactly, we are not sure, but it might be only what his father had taught him. How this man finds enough time in a day we’ll never know. His plate is full, he has been overwhelmed about the transition from the stone age world into the emerging metal age. He believes the new advances could take jobs away from the folks. The people must work and work, serve mankind he implores. We must stay faithful to stone, it’s never let us down; it’s been with us millions of years and always delivered on the hunt. If it ain’t broke why fix it! In spite of the many advantages, he grows suspicious of who’s driving the change. He accuses the emerging elite class. He considers them lazy with their push for technological advancement and development. God gave us a backbone to work our butts off, he cries. But nobody knows what he’s talking about, God hasn’t appeared on planet Earth just yet. The people had enough fears to worry about, primarily other human beings and thousands of Earthly creatures. He declares next the same bourgeoisie academics will be claiming the world is not flat.

Next, we visit with the Romney family clan. Something immediately becomes very apparent about this household, they didn’t have a stone and mud foundation like others, theirs seemed futuristic complete with a marble master bathroom and indoor swimming pool. The master of the house was Stiff Mitt, a likeable enough fella. He seemed oblivious to how the rest of the stone age lived. When asked about the secret of all his success, he simply barked ‘doesn’t everybody live like this.’ Stiff Mitt may have also being behind the first duplication technology because his five sons were exact carbon copies of daddy. Anyway Mitt didn’t have much time for chit-chat, he was too busy meeting with friends whom he considered regular folks, they were Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. For Stiff Mitt, the dawn of the metal age couldn’t come fast enough, he was working behind-the-scenes on a revolutionary concept, the automobile. Highly innovative for its time, he didn’t care about Santorum’s complaints that Oxen would be displaced. Stiff Mitt was torn between the Cadillac and the BMW, so he decided to have them both. We tried to engage him in more discussion, but if it wasn’t about a contract or a financial statement, he seemed totally uninterested. We asked Stiff Mitt for a contribution to the local people fund, he asked us if we accepted checks. When told that checks and banks would not yet be in existence for thousands of years, he replied ‘precisely, we are working on it.’

Next in line we drop in on the Gingrich clan. Head of this household is Speaker Gingrich, correctly named too, this man likes to talk. It seems the speaker is declining an offer to enlist in the local army. He felt his services were better suited to the war room. He planned to observe the battle strategically from behind-the-scenes. He continued on, ‘at the dawn of the metal age, leaders should be developing strategies from the safety and comfort of the war room, leaders fighting on the front lines is so old stone age.’ He was a grandiose chap. He had big ideas about everything without laying out any precise facts of how to achieve them. He even proposed a colony on the moon. When told it might be wiser to put resources to better use around the community, he also agreed and suggested employing the young ones as janitors. He dreamed of pizza even though it wouldn’t be created for thousands of years. He boasted about his many accomplishments and all he had done. We believe the speaker kept on talking for a good hour before he noticed we were gone or until sun down as was the appropriate measure of time back then.

Lastly we drop in on the Obama clan. Head of this clan is Obama the messiah. We had to proceed cautiously, the rumor was anybody that heard his magic words would be immediately hypnotized. Obama was considered the articulate one, the chosen messiah to bring balance to the universe. Wow, just his sheer presence instilled confidence in everybody who came in contact with him, he had a golden voice from the heavens above, even before there was a heaven, it might have been under construction at the time. He talked about change we can believe in and how he was the man to bring it. He spoke about the potential of a great future, how he could lead the people through the challenges of a new era. When asked about his experience or any evidence about his professional accomplishments, he continued to lecture his idealistic principles. The messiah said he identified with the plight of the common man, he was disgusted at the rising price of Arugula. Not surprising some consider him aloof. Obama could signal the beginning of the Dark ages literally. Haha, we all could use a good laugh, one thing is for sure, with this cast of characters, it’s going to be every caveman and woman for themselves.

Comments

This left me speechless. If

This left me speechless. If only we can get politicians to do a mental workout. Fantastic as always, have a cracking spring break.

Your extreme politcal satire

Your extreme politcal satire and humor always bring tears to my eyes. The only thing missing is the cartoons. Keep bringing the quality entertainment, we can't get enuf.